"The dwarf lives until we find a cock merchant."

Binge watching & waiting on my flight.

Best line in a series in the history of the universe. Ever.

Seriously. It should be up there with "Frankly Scarlet, I don't give a damn."


#gameofthrones

#ihatetoday

OMFG It's Shark Week, bitches!

I'm stuck to my couch like a mako on a school of tuna. 

And I'm going all Polaris attack and breaching this leftover birthday cake I found in the fridge. 

#SeeWhatIDidThere

Last Shark Week

I wanna swim with sharks.





. 

Nothing Interesting to Report

I'm chillin' at Kristyl's place for the weekend.

I've lost 1.5 of my 3 excess pounds so far.

Gonna check out Flower Day on Sunday. Honestly, I just don't feel like gardening anymore. I was maintaining the garden out of respect for my grandmother, but I think I'm just going to hire a landscaper this time.

Oh, filters. Blessed be.

The people who go to the annual Flower Day are crazy stepford wives on crack. Seriously. Those women are crazy. It's like they've been pacing around in their living rooms all year waiting for this one day to come. And don't even dare get between a Flower Day wife and a vibrant bundle of impatiens...if you do, just stab yourself in the neck and get it over with.

And the poor husbands. In their khaki shorts and their pink polo shirts and their horrible long white socks tucked into their jesus sandals, holding their wives' purses and pretending to care which hue of pink goes best with the house and tugging their broken little red wagons full of half-dead annuals.

It's so sad.

You simply have not lived until you've heard my mother say, "Girl, bye."

Went to the Metro Times Best of Detroit event tonight. They had these cool indoor local food and wine vendor booths with way too much food. Some trollop wore the same dress I did, only in a different color. I should've punched her in the testicles.

Rihanna got to swim with sharks for a photo shoot. I think I cried when I saw that on ET. The #1 thing on my bucket list.  I wanna swim alongside at least 1 great white just once in my lifetime. I watched a documentary where a scientist said that, as long as you're facing them, they treat you with respect.  You're not officially "prey" until you lose the eye contact.  Apparently, the largest group of great whites can be found off the southern African coast. They're so smart and mysterious and beautiful.  Don't you think?

I saw Ex Machina. It was so clever and good. Okay, it was actually so good that it made me wish I was smarter Nice surprise ending, also. And it's the real kind of sci-fi. "Real" = actual possible future (like Trek)...not a cheesy implausible future like Star Wars.

That's it. I got nothin.

Charity begins on the Holodeck.

Well, my first go at the following paragraph was a longwinded rambling mess. I really need to start proofing my shit before posting. Seriously. It was a mile long. This version's shorter...you're welcome.

I assisted with a sponsored charity event yesterday aimed at supporting the families of teen cancer patients. Each of us had various tasks, and planning the project took 6 months from concept to run-of-show. It was all worth it - even checking things off on a notepad at the counter of a New Orleans bar - 100% of the profits go to the patients and their families. The center played a dedication video to the volunteers all night. Here are the parts I caught with my phone. I'll repost when the full video is available.

 

This vid created with ClipStitch (which is only available 

for iPhone), but isn't viewable via iPhones...

Oh, the irony. Nicely done, Apple.

 

 

My job's executives buy gifts for local kids based on the kids' wishlists sent to "Santa". This year, my dept's exec snuck a copy of the list to me because one of the kids, 13 year old Phoenix, is a Trekkie.

 

I asked Phoenix's "Santa" (an executive chef) if I could help. Okay, it was more like pleading. I stalked him with 4 very unprofessional emails, I slaved over a stove for 2 hours to bring him my mom's special onigiri with wasabi as requested, and I owe him a venti 7-pump no foam white chocolate mocha. He finally caved. He'll take care of the boring stuff (i.e., clothes), I get the good stuff (Trek).

I believe the Latin term for this sort of agreement is "Winnitus of Epicus Proportionalis".

Okay so far I have...

·         Star Trek shirt or hoodie (working on)
·         Star Trek messenger bag (done)
·         Star Trek baseball cap (my stash)
·         Star Trek game for Xbox360 (done)
·         2 Blue Ray DVDs (Star Trek/Star Trek Darkness) (my stash)
·         1 Star Trek Borg Bobble Head (my stash)
·         1 model Bird of Prey similar to this one (may have to be pried from my cold, dead hands)

So, visitor, I could really use your advice.  If you were a 13 year old boy...

 

·         which of these two shirts would you prefer? Shirt 1 - Shirt 2

 

·         what would your size 18 shirt convert to in "small, medium, large" terms? (I can't find the answer online.)

 

·         what other badass gifts would you like?

 

I'm in New York next month, and then Toronto. Colorado in Jan, Jamaica in Feb. I'm still searching for cheap Cali travel deals. Why are trips to Cali more expensive than Cancun? It's so illogical. Seems like a lot of travelling, but I gotta get it all in before Japan (aka, the end of my life).

 

Well, that was random. Nothing to do with charity stuff.

 

Okay, dammit. I'll throw in the damn ship.  Sigh.  It's for a great cause. Gotta support our future scientists.

Edited 11.30.14 for brevity.



 

Dreamlike

Erm...guess I forgot to put out
the candles before bed.

It's 5am in New Orleans. The tourists have finally gone back to their rooms for the night. Now, the locals come out to chat. 

 

Check out this amazing view. Balcony side and courtside. The office buildings in the distance are capped with fog. Isn't it beautiful? Like a cloak for a Klingon Bird of Prey.

 

I fell back to sleep in my croissant before I could watch the fog dissipate.

Get yours yet?

 

Never had a flu shot before. But they're doing them for free at my job, so what the heck. 

"Suuuure. I'd be happy to willingly subject myself to a mutant zombie viral injection into my bloodstream in hopes of catching the aforementioned virus thereby scaring away all of the less-scary  mutant viruses. "

The Oldest Story in the Book.

 

 

 

Girl receives BFF's distress call. Girl braves torrential storms and complete darkness to pick up cupcakes on the way to BFF's house.  Girl  is immediately hypnotized by BFF's shiny new curved TV and spends the duration of the evening in a trance-like state - smearing cupcake icing on her face, ruining BFF's furniture, and drooling over "Gravity".

#curvedTVistheDevil

#curvedTVistheNewJesus

#wetdog

#forgotwhaticamefor

#thankyouStarTrek

 

 

 

 

 

carpe THIS diem.

The city is alive with all sorts of fun this weekend. So much that it's impossible to cram it all in.

* State Fair
* Arts, Beats & Eats Festival
* Taste Fest
* Renaissance Fair
* Jazz Festival

It's madness!

Got a jump on the weekend festivities and checked out the State Fair Friday after work.  Did the beach, the Taste Fest and Jazz Fest on Saturday.  Sunday night, I went to a cool terrace BBQ in the city. BBQ, wine, DJ, dance floor, amazing view of the city.

Actually, I think that was my favorite part of the weekend.

Attended this year's ROSE Awards last week. ROSE Awards is the Detroit Metro Convention/Visitors Bureau's hospitality awards. It basically honors workers in Detroit who demonstrate excellent customer service.  We had a couple of finalists, so I kind of had to go.  Turned out to be bad ass.

 

Today, I mostly drove along the shoreline in the rain with the windows down and sang N'Sync songs. Then I killed a few zombies. Now watching Man of Steel.

So, this happened. Aww yeah.

Our weather forecasts have been off the mark lately. It was supposed to rain all day on Saturday. Yet I got sunburn from the glaring sun. It was supposed to be sunny on Sunday, but it rained.

 

Not sure how I feel about this Superman. The son of Jor'el is one of the few superheroes born with his powers. Spiderman, Batman, Green Lantern, Iron Man, Bionic Man...pretty much every Marvel character, every superhero except for Superman and the XMen.  And Blade. But only half superpowers for Blade. And the Mortal Kombat characters, I guess. But they're not from comics, so they don't count.

 

I feel like there's a big lesson coming at the end. I'm gonna guess global warming. Seems like every scifi flick these days has a not-so-underlying message about ecology or religion or loving each other. Don't even get me started on The Matrix trilogy's blatant religious message.  Ugh. Stupid Matrix.

This Superman version is darker and maybe too serious. Also, Christopher Reeve was strong but quirky. This Superman is just kind of doe-eyed and surprised all the time.

 

Speaking of doe eyes, why is Lois Lane not a brunette this time? I swear, if I see a close up of Amy Adam's stupid giant blue eyes in one more movie, one more time...

 

And Zod. Best comic book villain ever created. When I was 8 or 9, I couldn't watch Superman because it was PG, so I pretended to do my homework while my brother watched it. Because of Zod.

 

 

 

In the 1980 movie version, Zod was all about wreaking havoc on poor defenseless humans.  He was large and in charge. And if General Zod told you to do something, you did NOT play around. You effing did it. He wore this awesome patent leather suit with these thigh high boots.  I just knew he owned a flogger.  No, I didn't actually know what a flogger was when I was 8.  Shut up.  I'm just saying that I knew he was different in a freaky grown up way.

 

The new Zod thinks too much. He's all angsty. He wants to rebuild Krypton with only the finest of his race. How Hitleresque.

Man, they are really tearing up the city. I always wonder who's going to pay for all the property damage after a superhero vs villain street fight.

 

Love & Hip Hop Atlanta Reunion Pt 2 comes on in a few mins. I think Benzino and Stevie get into a fight on stage because Joseline slept with both of them. Also, Mimi confronts whats his face because he leaked their sex tape. ZOMG.

Once again, the girl gets it.

So, scientists plan to eliminate (the ancillary health risks from) mosquito bites by genetically removing the female mosquito from the whole damn process.

Robot gets a girlfriend.

Really?  That's where we are. Mosquitos are causing fiascos...hey, let's just get rid of the girl chromosome.   

I call "BS".  This is "Biblical Principles 101" all over again. How come we always get the blame?

God tells the woman, "Don't touch the damn fruit on the tree." Freaky (but empathetic) talking snake says, "God's just having a bad day. He's just playin'. Take all the damn fruit you want." 

 

So, God says, "Didn't I tell you to back up off my fruit?". God gets mad at the woman.

 

...who, let's just assume, didn't have a ton of experience dealing with shady snakes....

God doesn't get angry with the snake...well, not really...I mean...he got Hell and all, but...

God doesn't get angry with the man, who...actually, wait...where was Adam when all this went down, anyway?... Seriously... its not like he had an appointment for a job interview or anything. 

So typical.  Men cause the drama...but they're somehow magically "away" when you need back up...



Money?

 And God's logical solution...the logical solution...is to punish every woman ever to eternal pain and suffering and faux inferiority?

That doesn't make sense.

And so now, we're stuck with the competitive salary inequality and the sore boobs and the bleeding and the cramping and the chocolate and the random cry fests and the pushing of mutant vampiric creatures out of our bodies after they've sucked the life out of us leaving us with 18-year headaches and depression and stretch marks and husbands who are "busy job interviewing"...

And we have to like pink.  Regardless of our skin tone.

It's ridiculous.

Thanks a lot, Christians.  Nothing like insurmountable lifelong guilt.



Don't. Just...don't.

And then, wars.  Don't even get me started on wars.  Wars are escalated chest-thumping contests. "Mine is bigger than yours."  The world is overrun with leaders of the male persuasion.



If our nations were run by dames, there would be no war. Contrary to what you see on Love & Hip Hop Atlanta (interestingly, those fights are always over a man...and don't pretend you don't watch it), we ain't got time for that. We would be too busy fixing our predecessors' messes. Mending relationships with other nations. Being social. Hoping the other leaders will like us. Even if it's fake and we hate the other leaders' shoes... But never war. 

There would be no reason for social conflict. We wouldn't throw people into exile or persecute sects or proclaim genetic superiority. Well, not aloud, anyway. 

And if a leader accidentally pressed the red button,  the "offended" nation would benefit from an international trade surplus thanks to all the shiploads of flowers and cupcakes and Louboutins in apology.

About the 2k swim in Mass., I haven't quite made it beyond that 1k swim stretch. My body just doesn't seem to embrace that level of endurance. I klonk out 1 mile. By "klonk out", I mean that my arms and legs get too heavy to lift.
 

My late friend's mother knows someone who will race in my place. A guy, of course. He'll probably blast right through the finish line.  No transfers needed - I registered in her name.

I'm disappointed that I can't conquer all, but I'm excited that someone will still race in her name. And for a cure for cancer. I'm working on other ways to honor my promise.

Some friends and I acted as servers for an event where a four diamond restaurant provided two families in need with a fancy five-course dining experience.  I wanted to list the menu items here, but honestly, there was so much food, I can't remember everything...or which course they went with.  It was family style, so we brought giant plates of each item out, and helped the families sample each item.  Plus a birthday cake to celebrate one of the little girls' birthday. I saw the kids from both families talking to each other. I wonder if they'll connect again.

There were two banquet captains there to coach us and make sure we didn't break anything (me mostly). Left me pooped. 

 

 

 

Robot stirs tea

News at 11.

300: Rise, bitches.

300 sets of abs...oh, lawd!

 

So how hard was it, really, for the chick who plays Artemesia(sp?) in 300: Rise of an Empire (a.k.a., "A Sea of Abs") to accept that role?

 

"Um, yeah...so you'll have to stare at men's abs all day, you'll have to wear what appears to be the ancient Grecian version of badass Chanel gowns for the entire movie, you'll get to boss men around...oh, and you have to do the dirty with the hot leader guy with the beard that goes all the way around his neck...but you do get paid for it. And I guess you could keep the gowns if you want."

 

Really????

 

Seriously. They could've pay me in chocolate and [deleted...cannot believe my mother caught that].

Tried to sit on Kristyl's lap,
but her giant boobies were in the way.

#ijs  #kristylapproved  #jugs

But isn't...

#arcreactor

Lucas Cumberbun

Watching the PBS Sherlock Holmes marathon. Trying to.

I'm only still trying because the guy who so spectacularly played Khan in Star Trek Into Darkness...

um...Benson Crumbsnatcher or something...

...was so powerful in that role that he made us totally forget we were watching The Trek.  I'd never seen him before. But he was nerdy-hot and slightly sinister and looked as if he forgot to refill the water bottles for the family he'd kidnapped and kept in the basement.

Seriously.  He played the SHIZNIT out of that role.

It became the Liam Crabtree show.

Or whatever his name is.

Anyway, he's is the lead character in this Brit version of Sherlock Holmes, and I'm told its worth watching.

So I'm trying.

And failing.

I was given very faulty information on this project's entertainment value.

Seriously.  Why can't English people just speak Amurrkan?

But he is cute, though.

Actually, if I tilt my head this way, this Bernard Cripplesnatch guy is actually really hot.  I think it's the hair. And the iceberg lettuce eyes.  And the general sense of impending doom if ever stuck on an elevator going to a dark basement with one of those coal heaters with the squeaky door with him.

300: Rise of an Empire

OH...MAH...GAH...!





#thedayismine

RoboCop 2014

New and improved.  This looks GOOD.

 

 

 



 

 

 

#nothingbeatsscifi

It's Only Logical

Let's be honest...Shouldn't Star Trek be the deal of every day?

The Boys from IT. Again.

The boys have been busy in my absence. They've kidnapped Robot and have been posting photos of him in various places around the building all week.

To Brad: It. Is. On.

For Iram

I already purchased my ticket last week for this Saturday at 4pm.

 

There are still a few seats left, though. I'm in D12. There's an available seat right behind me.

 

Come! You can kick my seat and throw popcorn at me! Then we can check out that new Black Rock place, and drool over Jimmy Choo shoes at Somerset.

 

 

Dead Your damn self.

Okay, that's my third and final attempt to win the weekly Dead Yourself contest.  sigh.

 

It's a cool Facebook app, though. Except all of my Facebook peeps are family, so bleh.

 

When will they do another "Win a Walk On Walker Role"?

Check it. The winner gets:

Prize: One (1) Grand Prize Winner and their guest (who must also be 18 years or older as of July 7, 2012) will be flown out (round trip) via an airline carrier of the Sponsor's sole choosing to Atlanta, Georgia where the Grand Prize winner (only) will have a walk on role as a "zombie" on an upcoming episode of The Walking Dead (to take place sometime in 2013, date to be determined). The Grand Prize winner's guest may accompany him or her to the set, but will not participate (in any capacity) with the walk on role. In addition, the Grand Prize Winner will receive 3 nights / 4 days stay at a hotel (location and hotel to be determined), ground transportation to and from the airport and, to and from the set, and $500 in cash or check.

Me want win!

 



 

 

 

 

 

 

The boys from IT

Really, Brad...REALLY?

Don't you and Jason have more important things to do, like crash a server or misspell user account names?

 

 

(But thank you for the Pepsi. lol)