Throw Down Thursday

I'm in a mood.

I handled the communication piece for my company's new employee uniforms. Over 2,500 employees will receive new uniforms tomorrow. I set up a photo shoot for a few employees to model the new uniforms and created a wall cling (poster that sticks to the wall) from it. It's gonna be complete mayhem in the wardrobe department tomorrow. But I'm kinda proud of the final outcome, actually.

The photographer used me for test shots without telling me. Each time I looked up into a giant camera lens, I was thinking "Where did I put that damned file?".

But that's not why I'm in a mood.

I can't wear a bra yet because it makes my tattoo burn.

That's not why I'm in a mood.

My period is acting like Satan's bathwater this month.  But that's not why I'm in a mood.

It's that superskank Lisa. 

I had to share a vendor table with her at an event today. She kept telling clients that my side of the table was so cold that they would need a sweater to talk to me.

I'm tired of that bitch calling me an Ice Queen. Just because I don't sleep around like she does.

So I advised them to liberally apply antibacterial gel to every exposed part of their bodies and be sure their prescriptions were up to date before approaching her side.

At which point she happened to cough, which led me into a tirade about sexually transmitted diseases starting the zombie apocalypse.

Why does she continue to force me to humiliate her?

I'm like Zod and she's like Otis.

Just kneel before Zod, bitch.

Ssshhh.  Just take it.

Smh.

I swear imma beat that bitch with a bat.

I'm going to 7-11 to get a slurpee. I swear to God, if they're out of the red pop flavor, imma swing a bitch.

Aww YEAH. Kickin' the Detroit old skool basement house beats, homie!!! 

OMG. Detroit use to have these basement parties on Fridays. This is the real beginning of house music. (Don't argue with me. I have proof.) Everyone would be dancing or eating or laughing or a combination of all three. The neighborhood kids would mingle with the older folks who were usually down there drinking out of those red plastic cups and playing cards or dice together. Usually using one of those folding card tables. And the air would be thick with smoke from the combination of cigarettes and the catfish the homeowner was frying for everyone.

OMG I can still smell it. It was hot and dark and it was always packed wall-to-wall. But people were peaceful and happy and the music was amazing. Even an FOB 10 year old with a stupid bowl haircut who couldn't go anywhere without her chaperon brother could blend in. It was always either really old school like Marvin Gaye or Rufus, or house beats like this one.

Well. That was certainly a rant to end all rants. What was my point?

Ah. yes. I'm still going to beat that bitch with a bat.

#straightouttadetroit