Keeping it Light

Clearing out some basement stuff. There's a little storage pantry under the stairs that I forgot was ever there. Turns out, it's a treasure trove of swank. 

Look at what I found last time!
Ready the fire department,
people... It. Is. On.

I found an old box of hulled walnuts. My father used to drive us into the country to pick walnuts that had fallen from the trees onto the dirt roads. I think you aren't supposed to crack them immediately...I believe they're too soft or something, so you have to store them for a few seasons until they're dry. When they're ready, we would use a hammer on the sidewalk to crush the outer hulls because the hulls are like cement. lol We had walnuts to snack on for months. Wow.

Anyway, no idea how long these have been in that room. I calculate at least 15 years. I dumped them in the alley thinking the squirrels would have a feeding frenzy, but I think even they know the nuts are too old.

lol I considered titling this post "Deez Nutz". But the phrase loses it's effect if you can't see me grabbing my crotch as I say it.

In other news, I made the mistake of showing this Vacation remake preview to the Ladies at Lunch. Let's just say that they drained my battery just from rewinding the clip to 1:58 several (hundreds of) times. I should've just continued to drool over it in silence.

Sigh. Okay, just...just fast forward to 1:58.

It's okay. I'll wait...

Picture it: Table full of women, all tilting our heads to the right at exactly 2:08.

And then we all ran to the slurpee machine. lol

'nuff said.

We threw a movie party for our employees' families. Nothing interesting to report about that. Um...kids are messy (just had a flashback and shivered) so I switched out the nachos and cheese for mini hot dogs. The a/v boys decided to use some static image they found on the internet instead of the movie trivia PowerPoint I'd sent them. I spent like 3 hours on that stupid thing! Anyway, once my ego deflated back to it's normal size, everything else was fine.

Quick, condensed version.

What other light fare can I offer...?

Ah, my arch nemesis, Lisa. She's Filipina, her hair looks like Medusa's, her mascara is ridiculous, and she dresses in sweaters and skirts and sandals with no stockings. I wear suits and heels. She shows off her gargantuan gaudy wedding ring, but flirts like she's single. I'm the super-private "Ice Queen". Seriously. Other than our shared race, dark hair and general size, it's clear we're different people. But apparently we're the same person since everyone calls me Lisa, and her Mia. 

Idiots.

Anyway, we see each other once a month for a marketing meeting. Two Asian women in one room is apparently an abomination, and everyone waits to see if we'll do a magic trick. If we dare sit together, their heads will explode.  

Lisa once made a snarky comment about Detroit. Thus, she is now and forever my arch nemesis. The bane of my existence. We speak only when in the presence of others. When no one else is around, we do the "sharks testing prey" thing.

So last meeting, Arch Nemesis Lisa forgot to bring something and she tried to show everyone using her janky Apple laptop. And failed. So I opened my laptop and said with feigned aggravation, "*sigh* I'll take care of it. Using my Toshiba. Which is made in Japan. So we know it'll actually do what it's supposed to the first time around."

BOOM, bitch.  Detroit style yo!

*drops the mic*