The Mindy Project

Mindy Kaling, you are now in the ISIS of Evil. 

Now, go sit over there in the corner with Julie Chen and stfu.

Bleh.

Woke up at 3am to a bloody pillow and a mouth full of blood. Not like "mixed with saliva". More like "instead of saliva". No pain or headache or anything. When I held my mouth open over the toilet, more blood streamed out. I couldn't find any injuries in my mouth. I looked in the mirror and just sort of calmly decided that I might be dying.  Yeesh...dramatic much?

 

Long story short, it was just a blood vessel in my nose that had ruptured from a bout of sneezing. The blood was draining into my mouth. That just required a saline spray. But apparently, I'm all kinds of influenza'd out. I don't think it was the flu shot. I think its from a whiny, stinky, screaming little mutant creature who sneezed in my face when I gave it a dirty look in the supermarket last week.

 

I swear, kids should be beamed onto an island until they're old enough to vote.

 

I posted the gory bloody photos to F/B for my mom, but I think they're too gross to post here.

 

This always happens right before my trip home. So now I get to infect the entire Japanese population.

#HowZombiesAreMade
#1stworldproblems
#ThePlotToEveryOutbreakMovie
#VoteForMandatoryTubeTying

Fishing after Work

 

Just left a networking party. Was driving off and happened to notice the riverfront just across the street. I saw a couple of cars parked on the abandoned street along the water, so I decided to check it out. Glad I did. Really nice small group of fishermen watching their bobbers and chatting. And ones cooking hot dogs on a teeny charcoal grill. My new friend Sam just taught me how to catch a spotted trout, and then I showed him how my dad use to catch bluegill. You have to snap the line with the current instead of against it. Don't be afraid to venture out. Just...wear comfortable shoes next time.

Get yours yet?

 

Never had a flu shot before. But they're doing them for free at my job, so what the heck. 

"Suuuure. I'd be happy to willingly subject myself to a mutant zombie viral injection into my bloodstream in hopes of catching the aforementioned virus thereby scaring away all of the less-scary  mutant viruses. "

Worthwhile

Visited a homeless community in Detroit with some girlfriends early this morning. Which basically means that we all meet up at an intersection where the homeless community hang out (typically near a temporary housing shelte), haul our lunches onto an open space on the ground, and hand the lunches to people who come up to us.

It can take hours, or minutes. It all depends on how many lunches you bring, and how many visitors you get. So it works better with a team. More stuff to distribute. But it is always rewarding. If you're lucky, you get to meet some really cool people.

The last time we did this, one of our visitors asked about hygiene items. Most of the ladies still did lunch bags today, but I'm not ashamed to admit that I begged a few to do toiletry bags instead. I think passing out personal hygiene items isn't as "cool" as passing out food. Little did I realize, toiletry stuff is also more expensive. Yeesh.

I packed:
 

* toilet tissue

* bar of soap
* hand sanitizer
* wet wipes
* comb
* tooth brush
* tooth paste
* shaving cream (men's bags)
* razor (men's bags)
* maxi pads (women's bags)
* Hershey's bar (women's bags)

* $5 local supermarket gift card

Out of everything we distributed today, the rolls of toilet paper were the big hit.  I hadn't considered how necessary and important toilet paper is to every human. One of those things you don't think about.

You should try this sometime. It's easier to plan than it seems. Contact your friends, decide what to pack and when/where to meet, pass out the bags. Really simple. And it's an easy way to remind yourself that, even when we're struggling, we still have something to give.

Give it a try. Email me if you need advice, or help getting started. I'll be in Japan next week. Not the big move, just a previously scheduled visit. I should go to the gym, but I'm exhausted. Slept really bad last night. Headed to bed.

Worth the trip

Benjamin Meyer, Chef de cuisine of the four diamond iridescence atop MotorCity casino hotel, and detroit free press columnist. I like introducing him that way because it makes me feel important. Like I'm the one with all the culinary acclamations. 

ANYway, chef asked me to come by the kitchen today to try out a couple new items he s thinking about adding for his new menu.  But he mentioned chocolate and I was sold.  Giant meatball pasta, chicken---, warm chocolate mouse with banana ice cream. This man is a genius. 

#stuffed

She loves me, she loves me not.

If I read yesterday's horoscope, I'm pretty sure it would've read,

"You will receive a great many kindnesses from the fairer sex."

One of our vendors, a woman, sent me a beautiful floral arrangement yesterday because I helped her get 17 past due invoices paid. She'd already emailed me a thank you letter last week, and asked for my boss's info to write a commendation about me.  I replied that it wasn't necessary, and that customers should be treated like guests. Although I'm technically her guest - my company pays her - our accounting department is a little out of whack at the moment, so I was acting as a liaison of sorts.

Carrying them from our front desk to my office was a huge conversation starter. They're really pretty. I put them on my desk as quickly and quietly as possible so as to not have to explain them, but my boss insisted I put them out for visitors to see.  Which didn't go over so well. More on that in a moment...

I got an "A" in my Beginners' Arabic class, so I get the full tuition reimbursement from my company. It should take 3 weeks to process, but the (female) payroll director says to expect it in next week's check. That's an extra $590 next week. WOOT! That's 393 cupcakes.  Or maybe 575 chocolate bars at the dollar store. Stupid state tax.

Then, I came home to find a check for $149 from my home alarm company in the mailbox.  I called the company, and the super nice customer service lady explained the rebate.

And then, I logged into Second Life, and a nice (female) friend bought/sent me a pretty kimono from an old favorite store.

Best day ever. Made me proud to be a woman. I was feelin' the love.  Sisterhood. *sigh*

Cut to today...

So, all of the managers in my new department are women. Pretty catty ones. They spend weeks  plotting and scheming against each other. It's like watching the Borgia family at work.  I feel horrible for the two new managers because they never see the landmines until they step on them. I want to draw a red "x" over each one for them, but they don't know me well enough to trust me. So I stay way away from it. WAY away from it. I stay in my office, focused on my two monitors, with earbuds in. I go to lunch alone, though I end up with company. I ask all of my visitors to call or email me instead of visiting. If I receive a male visitor with no true purpose for visiting, the office goes silent. When the visitor leaves, they commune together and giggle and theorize about my life. 

 

I get "employee of the year" awards and special mentions in executive meetings and a 2m fiscal budget, and I'm arguably the only unmarried woman in the office who doesn't embarrass herself by acting like a cat in heat, but still they find it worthwhile to walk by my door and make snide remarks about dating people you work with.

 

Another one of those "heavier things" I didn't feel like talking about. It really wears on me because I'm forced to go against my nature. I can't joke with them, or sing silly songs, or prank them. I can't give them the benefit of the doubt, because I know their work. I've seen it. And it is sharp and deadly.

 

So anyway, it's only been a day, but I've been getting serious attitude from those other managers since the flower delivery. Having them on display felt like I was bragging. I could almost smell the spray paint from the target on my back.

 

Yesterday afternoon, I removed the thank you card from the arrangement in hopes of laying low and out of the spotlight (and still appease the boss).  One of the aforementioned managers - the cattiest of the group (she complains a lot, flirts a lot, wears super tight, inappropriate clothing, holds entire phone conversations on speakerphone...even the sexual ones...even with men other than her husband [also a coworker],) - complained that my flowers are messing with her asthma, and that I need to take them home. She laughed as she said it, as if she were joking. But even that is way more attention than I ever want from her. She's dangerous. I've seen her in action. She did something really mean to Kristyl because of our friendship, and Kristyl could've been fired for it.

 

So I took the flowers home today.   

 

But...she gets flowers from random guys all the time. And she wears perfume. And I can't really smell these blooms.

 

Now, I just logged out of Second Life. I'm just sort of staring at my computer.  I visited a popular sim, and tried to start several conversations with the "women" in the room. Why the women? Because I'm not a desperate housewife. I'm looking for conversation, not attention. They all either ignored me or told me where they'd like me to go.

 

I feel kind of sad.

Seriously. I don't know how guys put up with us.

 

I didn't read today's horoscope, either. But if I did, it would read:

"Bitches be trippin'."

#99problems

6 months.

 

It's been 6 months since I last walked into my Obaachan's room. 6 months. And that was just to vacuum and dust. And immediately leave. Before then, I would stand just inside the doorway and become immediately overwhelmed with sadness and shame. 

 

I bought a rug to go over the weird stain on the floor in the hallway outside of her door. Her room is surprisingly clean.  Her plants are alive and thriving - vibrant, even - although they haven't had water or sunlight in months. This room is even free of spiderwebs and any signs of bugs. Maybe the insects heard me tell my brother that I would murderize anyone who stepped foot in here. 

I see her little bag of toiletries and the tv remote, magazines, her pills, her robe, a newspaper, her reading glasses...placed strategically throughout the room, so they would be in her arms' reach at the right moment. I suppose I did set things just so. Seems a little persnickety in retrospect. Her walker at the door for when she was on the move, now folded and resting against it. 

I sat some flowers on her table. I just opened the blinds and I can see all the crazy squirrels race all over the park. Why so many squirrels? Is this a hibernation thing? They need to move out of my way when I'm driving to work in the mornings. I'm tired of screaming at them. Okay, I'm tired of screaming at them because it doesn't seem to work. 

 

Hooky

Congratulations on getting engaged,
Iram...ugh. I can't believe you're
going to the dark side.

The boss let our department go home early due to an impending flood.  Even the local schools closed early. 

More time to kill some zombies.  Be warned...I like to shoot my teammates because I can blame it on my bad aim.  (As previously mentioned, I also like to shoot the zombies in the "loinal" region.)


LOL, Phoebe. No idea how you
even found this, but that's an
accurate representation.

Join me, won't you? I should probably pay some bills.  I'm so lazy.



I wanna punch Eve in the throat.

The cashier took so long to ring me up for midol and 2 candy bars that I wanted to spontaneously mutate into Predator circa 1987 and snap off his head with my pincer teeth and my boobs hurt so much I can't even look down at them without wincing in pain and I have this overwhelming need to bite someone and no matter how lovingly I cradle my stomach it still feels like theres a small village of ninjas on crack having a studio 54 party inside and so I will just sit very still like this on the side of my bed with my head on the pillow but if I could just reach my laptop with my foot and slide it over maybe my arms could find the strength to slide it up onto the bed and I could at least kill some zombies also the next text message or call or Skype or ding I get on my phone will result in the total annihilation of not only you but your future offspring by way of a Japanese voodoo curse that will turn your testes into balloon animals

 

 

#mothernaturemyass

 

 

 

 

The Oldest Story in the Book.

 

 

 

Girl receives BFF's distress call. Girl braves torrential storms and complete darkness to pick up cupcakes on the way to BFF's house.  Girl  is immediately hypnotized by BFF's shiny new curved TV and spends the duration of the evening in a trance-like state - smearing cupcake icing on her face, ruining BFF's furniture, and drooling over "Gravity".

#curvedTVistheDevil

#curvedTVistheNewJesus

#wetdog

#forgotwhaticamefor

#thankyouStarTrek

 

 

 

 

 

The Double Standard is Alive & Well, cheers.

Third comment already. Wait...this just in. Make that the forth. 

Why is it that whenever I post a photo with a man, he must be my boyfriend? Why can't he just be someone I know?  What does it say about me that I can't stand next to a man? Am I a slut who can't control myself around the opposite sex? Do you think that I'm so sheltered that I fall for the first guy that pops up? What's wrong with you people? Or what's wrong with me for thinking that you'll assume that maybe I don't hiss at men when it's time for photo ops. And what does it say about you?

I figured that anyone who bothered to read the post would see the event decor and people behind us, connect the dots, and realize that it might be one of the ROSE Awards finalists. But that's the conundrum, isn't it? You have to actually read the post.

This is why I never post photos of me with men. And why I will never ever post a date photo. Or maybe any photo of me ever. Or maybe anything super important in my life. 

Interesting. I post photos of me with women all the time. Why don't you assume we're lesbian lovers?

You see where I'm going with this?

#overit

#sofrustrated

carpe THIS diem.

The city is alive with all sorts of fun this weekend. So much that it's impossible to cram it all in.

* State Fair
* Arts, Beats & Eats Festival
* Taste Fest
* Renaissance Fair
* Jazz Festival

It's madness!

Got a jump on the weekend festivities and checked out the State Fair Friday after work.  Did the beach, the Taste Fest and Jazz Fest on Saturday.  Sunday night, I went to a cool terrace BBQ in the city. BBQ, wine, DJ, dance floor, amazing view of the city.

Actually, I think that was my favorite part of the weekend.

Attended this year's ROSE Awards last week. ROSE Awards is the Detroit Metro Convention/Visitors Bureau's hospitality awards. It basically honors workers in Detroit who demonstrate excellent customer service.  We had a couple of finalists, so I kind of had to go.  Turned out to be bad ass.

 

Today, I mostly drove along the shoreline in the rain with the windows down and sang N'Sync songs. Then I killed a few zombies. Now watching Man of Steel.

So, this happened. Aww yeah.

Our weather forecasts have been off the mark lately. It was supposed to rain all day on Saturday. Yet I got sunburn from the glaring sun. It was supposed to be sunny on Sunday, but it rained.

 

Not sure how I feel about this Superman. The son of Jor'el is one of the few superheroes born with his powers. Spiderman, Batman, Green Lantern, Iron Man, Bionic Man...pretty much every Marvel character, every superhero except for Superman and the XMen.  And Blade. But only half superpowers for Blade. And the Mortal Kombat characters, I guess. But they're not from comics, so they don't count.

 

I feel like there's a big lesson coming at the end. I'm gonna guess global warming. Seems like every scifi flick these days has a not-so-underlying message about ecology or religion or loving each other. Don't even get me started on The Matrix trilogy's blatant religious message.  Ugh. Stupid Matrix.

This Superman version is darker and maybe too serious. Also, Christopher Reeve was strong but quirky. This Superman is just kind of doe-eyed and surprised all the time.

 

Speaking of doe eyes, why is Lois Lane not a brunette this time? I swear, if I see a close up of Amy Adam's stupid giant blue eyes in one more movie, one more time...

 

And Zod. Best comic book villain ever created. When I was 8 or 9, I couldn't watch Superman because it was PG, so I pretended to do my homework while my brother watched it. Because of Zod.

 

 

 

In the 1980 movie version, Zod was all about wreaking havoc on poor defenseless humans.  He was large and in charge. And if General Zod told you to do something, you did NOT play around. You effing did it. He wore this awesome patent leather suit with these thigh high boots.  I just knew he owned a flogger.  No, I didn't actually know what a flogger was when I was 8.  Shut up.  I'm just saying that I knew he was different in a freaky grown up way.

 

The new Zod thinks too much. He's all angsty. He wants to rebuild Krypton with only the finest of his race. How Hitleresque.

Man, they are really tearing up the city. I always wonder who's going to pay for all the property damage after a superhero vs villain street fight.

 

Love & Hip Hop Atlanta Reunion Pt 2 comes on in a few mins. I think Benzino and Stevie get into a fight on stage because Joseline slept with both of them. Also, Mimi confronts whats his face because he leaked their sex tape. ZOMG.