Nothing Interesting to Report

I'm chillin' at Kristyl's place for the weekend.

I've lost 1.5 of my 3 excess pounds so far.

Gonna check out Flower Day on Sunday. Honestly, I just don't feel like gardening anymore. I was maintaining the garden out of respect for my grandmother, but I think I'm just going to hire a landscaper this time.

Oh, filters. Blessed be.

The people who go to the annual Flower Day are crazy stepford wives on crack. Seriously. Those women are crazy. It's like they've been pacing around in their living rooms all year waiting for this one day to come. And don't even dare get between a Flower Day wife and a vibrant bundle of impatiens...if you do, just stab yourself in the neck and get it over with.

And the poor husbands. In their khaki shorts and their pink polo shirts and their horrible long white socks tucked into their jesus sandals, holding their wives' purses and pretending to care which hue of pink goes best with the house and tugging their broken little red wagons full of half-dead annuals.

It's so sad.

You simply have not lived until you've heard my mother say, "Girl, bye."

Went to the Metro Times Best of Detroit event tonight. They had these cool indoor local food and wine vendor booths with way too much food. Some trollop wore the same dress I did, only in a different color. I should've punched her in the testicles.

Rihanna got to swim with sharks for a photo shoot. I think I cried when I saw that on ET. The #1 thing on my bucket list.  I wanna swim alongside at least 1 great white just once in my lifetime. I watched a documentary where a scientist said that, as long as you're facing them, they treat you with respect.  You're not officially "prey" until you lose the eye contact.  Apparently, the largest group of great whites can be found off the southern African coast. They're so smart and mysterious and beautiful.  Don't you think?

I saw Ex Machina. It was so clever and good. Okay, it was actually so good that it made me wish I was smarter Nice surprise ending, also. And it's the real kind of sci-fi. "Real" = actual possible future (like Trek)...not a cheesy implausible future like Star Wars.

That's it. I got nothin.

Dreamlike

Erm...guess I forgot to put out
the candles before bed.

It's 5am in New Orleans. The tourists have finally gone back to their rooms for the night. Now, the locals come out to chat. 

 

Check out this amazing view. Balcony side and courtside. The office buildings in the distance are capped with fog. Isn't it beautiful? Like a cloak for a Klingon Bird of Prey.

 

I fell back to sleep in my croissant before I could watch the fog dissipate.

Desperately Seeking the Perfect Wallpaper

Now all I can think about is soaking up a hot sun with a frozen drink in one hand and iPod in the other, on a straw mat in my bikini. 

Sigh. Meanwhile, it's 5 degrees and gloomy...again. 

Lucas Cumberbun

Watching the PBS Sherlock Holmes marathon. Trying to.

I'm only still trying because the guy who so spectacularly played Khan in Star Trek Into Darkness...

um...Benson Crumbsnatcher or something...

...was so powerful in that role that he made us totally forget we were watching The Trek.  I'd never seen him before. But he was nerdy-hot and slightly sinister and looked as if he forgot to refill the water bottles for the family he'd kidnapped and kept in the basement.

Seriously.  He played the SHIZNIT out of that role.

It became the Liam Crabtree show.

Or whatever his name is.

Anyway, he's is the lead character in this Brit version of Sherlock Holmes, and I'm told its worth watching.

So I'm trying.

And failing.

I was given very faulty information on this project's entertainment value.

Seriously.  Why can't English people just speak Amurrkan?

But he is cute, though.

Actually, if I tilt my head this way, this Bernard Cripplesnatch guy is actually really hot.  I think it's the hair. And the iceberg lettuce eyes.  And the general sense of impending doom if ever stuck on an elevator going to a dark basement with one of those coal heaters with the squeaky door with him.

It's Only Logical

Let's be honest...Shouldn't Star Trek be the deal of every day?

Litereally.

Nothing interesting to report to the 1.5 people who may find this blog when Googling "crazed  Trekkies with too many cute but super cheap shoes", or "shower-peeing females".  The last one might actually direct you to a different sort of pages.

I was in a crappy mood yesterday, brought on by watching other people. Literally.

Heh. I mistyped that as "Litereally".  I like that.

 

Can I get someone to come over and clean up? My room looks like the Titanic hit it.

 

So litereally, Halloween's over and I'm looking through my Halloween timeline. Not once in the last 3 Halloweens did I wear the Star Trek uniform. That's odd. But I did wear it earlier this year for something.  Can't remember what.

 

Where is that stupid uniform, anyway?  Probably somewhere under this fiasco of a mess.

 

The Halloween roller skating fundraiser went well. I worked the ticket booth, so I didn't get to skate.

Not much out this week.  Enders Game or The Wolverine (again)? I don't like Harrison Ford, but it's hard to take Hugh Jackman seriously after he sang to Maximus Decimus Meridias.  I should take my neighbor out to thank her for my new shoes. I wouldn't mind seeing Captain Hanks again.

 

Danged 1 o'clock bell! Does every US city ring that zombie apocalypse alarm at 1pm every Saturday? Like that creepy Silent Hill alarm, like you just know something bad is coming. I'm waiting for the paint to peel from the walls.

 

 

 

I should play the Silent Hill alarm when creepy guy is on our floor instead of Bach.

 

I heard gunshots really late last night. Well, most nights, but this was a different gun.  This was more like a "BOOM BOOM" instead of the usual "bip bip".  I was too tired to get up and check it out.

 

Now that I live alone, and so close to Detroit, I'm hyperaware of my personal security issues.  I had security doors installed (last neighbor on the block). I'm considering a CWP.  Our Director of Security (who's as Tea Party'd as they come) is taking me to a gun range next week to teach me how to shoot. 

 

I asked him what sort of gun I would need.  (That kinda of stings internally to ask, or even type as I did just now).  He's all "shoot first, then shoot again later. Forget asking questions". I could see his confusion as he sat across from me in my office yesterday when I tried to explain my position.

 

I don't want to kill anyone. I just want to scare them away. 

 

His advice is logical, I think. From this end, at least.  I should buy a shotgun and keep it in my bedroom.

 

I asked, "You mean one of those big hunting guns? Why?"  He answered that the size alone would probably scare someone away. If I had to use it, even as powerful as it is (a nice way of saying, "...even as clumsy as you are..."), I wouldn't miss my target...er...the human.

 

I asked about keeping the bullets or the gun locked up somewhere. A coworker said he does that.  The response was that I don't have little kids around, so there's no need to lock it away.  If someone's in my room already, then the weapon needs to be ready.

 

Yeesh. 
 

This is all a bit humbling, considering I've always been anti-gun. My exbf had a gun. He would wave it around jokingly, or when he was angry or drunk.  But I hated guns before that.  But the platform shoe's on the other foot now, and my perspective is slowly creaking around.
 

My friend and foe Christopholes is anti-gun.  His solution is to move. Pffh. Wuss. 

  

I have an appointment for a tattoo today. 

 

And I have to mail off some bills.

 

 

 



[Another] Star Wars Rant

My coworker always knows how to get me all riled up about Star Wars. 

Don't bother with the article. It's only interesting (i.e., hilarious) that dumb-as-rocks Star Wars fans who make the most useless trip ever to see a damn SW film location won't be able to see it soon because of environmental changes. 

Boo hoo.  Poor Star Wars fans.  What will they do now?

Option A: Stay at home and ponder life lessons like "how to boil water".

Option B: Use the money from their trips to invest in Windows 2.0.

Option C: Help OJ Simpson find the real killer.

Option D: Join the Republican party.

GEEZUSGOD am I fired up.  lol  Okay, I feel better now.  Leave me alone. Back to work.