Worst I've ever had

The neighbors were crack dealers. I could hear them talking about kidnapping someone for ransom. My brother lived with me. I told him I thought they'd kidnapped our grandmother. He didn't believe me, but I was suspicious. And he would only speak in Japanese. I would only speak in English. We considered calling the police, but my brother was very dismissive about it, and said not to. Finally, I didn't care what he wanted and I kicked in their side door. There was my grandmother, very still, lying in someone's bed. I pulled back the covers and smoothed her hair. She opened her eyes and looked partly in shock, and partly sad. She finally focused and smiled at me, the way she use to when she would come out of a fog and had something funny to say. I was so angry and my tears were hot on my cheeks as I wrapped her in a sheet and carried her back to our house. As I walked away with my grandmother, I imagined doing horrible, gruesome things to the neighbors. And their children. Even worse things to their children. I was livid.

 

While I carried her into our house, I woke up from my dream. I'm curled up and shaking and sobbing and seething and I can't see and my heart is jumping out of my chest.  I thought maybe typing this would be calming, but it's not working. The sadness on her face in my dream brought me back to when she was here. I've seen that look before. When she was lost in her fog and thought she was alone. Dammit with the crying. I want to hurt those neighbors...but they don't even exist. They're not real.

 

We use to live next to a crack house. That same house that was in my dream. I remember because I could look down from my bedroom into their side door. They put my parents through all sorts of stuff.  Once, my sister and I jumped from our 2nd story bedroom window and into the snow in our nightgowns to bang on neighbors' doors while my parents were being robbed at gunpoint. One day, a guy chased another guy into our backyard and pistol-whipped him to death while my mother was hanging our clothes out to dry. Not to mention the myriad of bullets embedded in the bathroom walls from shootouts.   

 

Well, that was a lot of squinty typing.  I'm sort of falling back to sleep. I probably won't remember why I'm so angry when I wake up. Plus, I have 3 back-to-back meetings and 100 deadlines. Which is good. Busy is good. It's distracting. Oh, crap. And the house tax payment. And the security alarm installment. I had a wireless alarm system installed on the house. I've been wanting to anyway, but last week, the neighbor across the street was robbed. I hear nothing's left but hangers. So I have security doors, a pulse and sensor alarm and, soon, a gun.  The home insurance premium should drop like a...um...I can't think...drop like....okay, what drops?