Enough with the Heavy

It's "Shark Week" on Discovery. Woot! I cannot believe my mother gave all my shark books away when I was little. I could be a sharkologist by now.

Sharkologist.  It's a word. You're welcome.

Cute little guy. He was obviously not hunting the swimmer.
 He was being curious. I wanna squeeze his cheeks.
The narrator guy was all, "Uh oh. Uh oh. Uh oh." 

And the shark was like, "I know, right?"
(Full story here.)

I've never seen a real one. Or whale shark. Or whale anything. I wonder how massive a whale's tail really is in real life. Whenever I YouTube search "whale tail", I get girls in thongs. Sigh. (Coincidentally, how come when I search for the trailer for "Hunger Games/Mockingjay", I get the "50 Shades of Grey" trailer?)

Is it weird that I want to swim with them? Sharks, not girls in thongs.  Great whites are majestic and beautiful predators. Tiger sharks are powerful and clever. That part at the end of Open Water, when the chick's husband dies from jellyfish stings and the shark bite, and she just kind of gives up and all the sharks are hovering around her? Best scene ever.

Did you know that hammerheads are the only species of shark that are completely unafraid of humans? I didn't either. Also, they can grow up to 20 feet - larger than most great whites. That's crazy. Just learned it.

But the scream.

It is amazing how folks get all huffy from shark attacks after invading the shark's space and destroying their 'hoods. Maybe if we stopped paddling in the middle of nowhere on giant boogie boards and trying to look like cute little excited baby seals, sharks wouldn't think we were the #2 combo meal.



Lesson learned:
If it takes you 37 minutes to find your favorite mascara,
it may be time to toss some stuff.

Also, sharks don't even like the way we taste. We are, apparently, not soft and succulent enough for their tastes. So moisturize all you want, Australians. (Why Australians? Because, if my count is correct, 99.999997% of the people interviewed about their near death shark attacks in the last 5 hours have been Australian. Crazy Aussie folks see sharks and still jump in and start barking like a seal.)

Sharks are what spiders so wished they could be when they grow up.

Speaking of spiders, there's a giant spider on my living room wall. I just sprayed my "spider concoction" (bleach/alcohol/dish soap) on him, and he literally laughed at me and walked away.  Seriously!

That was two hours ago.  If I go back down there and he's still chillin' on the wall, I'm moving out until he leaves.

#spidersarethenationsnumberonekillers