Gangsta Squirrels

Where did all these squirrels come from??? And why so many types? And why are they mean?? What happened to the regular brown ones? Now we have black ones, grey ones, white ones ...wth. 

And they won't move out of the way when they cross your car. The opposite, in fact. They will run out just to stand in front if your car. And they're all over the place. 

The old school squirrels would at least study traffic a little and run out when the coast was clear. And if they happened to cut it close, they would go flying back into the bushes. And they were resilient. They would study your car while it flew over them, and quickly leap into the motor or spark plugs or the tire rod, you'd hear a couple of knocks, and next thing you would see is the squirrel waving goodbye as it sort of jogged away. 

Not the New G's. I counted 11 giant squirrels pimp-walking across the streets this morning. And unlike the OG's, the new bloods take their damn time. One stopped right in front of my car. I screeched to a halt, and he just stood there and stared at me in his leopard print cape and his fedora hat and his gargantuan gold medallion ring. He just stared. 

I'm not kidding. He stopped. I stopped. He stared. He went, "bitch, please". He threw up a gang sign, he pimpwalked off the road. I swear. All that was missing was the theme from Shaft.  

I have a theory. I think the New G's met the brown squirrels and they had a turf war. But the brown squirrels were too nice to fight, so they suffered a beat down, and now the grey and black and white gangsta squirrels own the hood.