For the Girls. Well, just the one.

Sorry, boys. This post is for us. Yes, I know this blog only has three female visitors. One's my mother...only because she keeps accidentally making it her homepage. And the other two are old friends from Miami.

But, dammit...I could have a random visitor.  I could!  And maybe she'll stop by to get my opinion on something. Like about lipstick or spiders.

Also, I think I blogged about some of this stuff already.

Whatever. Shut up.

Payless Shoe Store has a low budget version of the Louboutin shoe. (Gents: "the Louboutin shoe" is that trademark shoe style/shape with the platform and the rounded cleavage toe and the skinny heel. Like this. And like the ones in the collage on the left. And my ones in the video from the auto show. Okay, they're the same ones from the collage, but Ooh! Sparkly!)

So check it. The regular Lous cost around $1200 ($700 on eBay). I found these babies for $25 in Payless.  Seriously.  Oh, yeah.  So, obviously they won't last for longer than the one night, but, still, a reasonable trade. Don't you think?

Oh, snap, ladies! Just checked Payless' site. They're on clearance for $15! 

HERE. <--Go! Go! Go!!

If you're a total snob and just REFUSE to wear fakes, paint the bottoms red and tell yourself they're the real thing.

Speaking of bargains, check out this cute retro swimsuit. 30 bucks. THIRTY. And super easy check out. Woot!

From toes-n-hose.com

I attended the National Go Red for Women conference at MGM Grand in Detroit last week. I'm a huge advocate of women's heart health after a run-in or two with the issue myself.

Rosie O'Donnell was the guest speaker. I became a huge fan that day. She shared her story about her recent massive heart attack and how she ignored her symptoms for days. Days!  She infused the story with humor an sarcasm. It wasn't preachy.  While everyone stood and applauded, I stayed seated and let my brain process as much of her lesson as possible. And as she announced she was donating her cost for being the spokesperson back to the American Heart Association, I was already mentally checking off what I'm doing wrong.

We have a blood pressure machine outside of our office. I check it once a week. (Why not? It's free and right there.) I'm always in normal range...118/something? today. But I'm often lethargic, even with enough sleep.

You really need to be aware of your heart health, ladies. "Silent killer" isn't just a catch phrase. My grandmother died alone while I was at work because of it. I've suffered from it. Women take care of everyone around you. Well, okay not me. But women with children and spouses and jobs and craziness.  Imagine what that does to your stress level. 

You could start small. Most Amurrkan department stores and pharmacies have those free blood pressure machines now. And it looks like Canadian stores have it, too. Stress-free. Takes 2 minutes. No doctor there to yell at you.  The reading scale should be posted somewhere near the machine. Try it on your next trip, tell me how it works out.





I'm creating a new blog for ladies who proudly wear briefs (aka "granny panties"). Here's the thing.  Guys are stupid. They either don't notice, or don't care that when we wear thongs, we don't actually like them.  We're pretending. Or we're attention whores who were never liked in high school. Thongs are uncomfortable. They're stupid visual aids designed by men because they lack the imagination and aptitude for basic anatomy. 

They're the pop-up book of underwear.

The blog will be an open forum for us to post our normal, actual, comfortable underwear and proudly proclaim this freedom to the world.

Listen. The sooner you check your man's attitude about it, the better.



Truffle Tease

I am LOVING Maybelline's new Color Sensational line!! Finally, there's a true-to-color nude lipstick that doesn't feel like cardboard on your lips. And it stays on for a while. Four hours or so.

CVS Pharmacy, ladies. $8.50 (possibly less with coupons).

Y/T tutorials don't mention that a finished smokey eye on monolids takes like a full hour to do.  Whatever you do, do NOT follow the tuts that tell you to use pencil liners. It doesn't work. Trust me! The oil from the shadow bleeds into the pencil color and it starts to smear. 

Also, pluck/tweeze/wax your brow line first. Smokey and bushy brows don't work. At least, that's my opinion. But I'm behind the trend. I think the 80's brow thing is coming back. Jennifer Lopez has been wearing the look lately.

Definitely use liquid liner only (doesn't need to be the expensive stuff...Elf will work just fine). And SWEET GEEUS definitely take your time. And absolutely do experiment.  I used this tut to practice, but the darker colors left me looking like a raccoon. Don't feel stuck to specific colors. Try ones that match your skin tone and mood.

Why hire professionals to do your home maintenance stuff when you have Lowe's and YouTube? I've done dry walling, tiling, wall cabinet & curved shower rod installation, shower head replacement, regrouting, and some other stuff I can't remember so far.  All with the help of Lowe's and YouTube.

You don't need a dude or a class, ladies. Don't be a baby.  If you can shove a screaming, clawed mutant alien out of your womb, you can hammer a damn nail.

The plus side of being a woman DIYer is that Lowe's employees are extremely attentive and sympathetic to our plight. They'll patiently walk you through every step of the project, escort you from aisle to aisle, explaining what items you'll need, which works better, which is the better bargain. They'll even talk super slow during those moments when you're so obviously clueless.

The downside of being a woman DIYer is that contractors don't take you seriously. I'm leaving my hardwood floor project to the professionals. It's way too complicated for me. I've left at least two voicemails for five companies. None of them have responded. Empire Carpet came by, measured, gave me an astronomical quote, I told him, "Ain't nobody got time fo dat", he called the next day with a lower price.  Still astronomical, but what are my choices, really?

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This makes me laugh. 'Cause men are dumb.